GateUser-f6f99e25

Met a girl at a blind date, she asked right away: "Do you own a house?" I said yes. "Do you have a car?" Yes. "How much savings do you have?" Seven figures. Her eyes lit up. I added, "All of that belongs to my parents; I'm a moocher." Her face immediately fell. I said, "Just kidding, I actually earned it myself." She smiled again. I said, "Just joking again, I really am a moocher."

Ever since my mom learned how to shop online, our house receives at least five packages every day.
I asked her what she bought, and she said, "I don't know, I just buy whatever looks cheap."
Last week, she bought a chainsaw, saying she needed to cut ribs.
We live on the 16th floor, and our neighbors thought we were going to dismember someone.

Driving Didi in Shanghai, the driver is from Northeast China.
Talking about housing prices, he said he has an apartment in Pudong, bought in the early 2000s.
I asked how big it was, and he said 120 square meters.
I said then you’re now worth tens of millions.
He smiled: "Paper wealth. If I sell it, I have nowhere to live; if I don't sell, I pay 20,000 yuan a month in mortgage."
I asked if he feels a lot of pressure.
He glanced in the rearview mirror: "Not much pressure. I have three apartments."
I fell silent.

Bank queues, VIP customers can cut in line.
A VIP in front of me took twenty minutes, and there were more than ten people behind.
When it was my turn, the teller said, "Would you like to get a VIP? Once you have it, you don't need to wait in line."
I asked, "If I get VIP status, do I still have to wait for the previous VIP to finish?"
The teller said, "Yes."
I asked, "What's the difference between VIP and regular?"
The teller said, "VIPs have shorter wait times."
I said, "That VIP just took twenty minutes; is that considered short?"

Shanghai People’s Park Matchmaking Corner. An old man holds up a sign that reads: “Seeking a daughter-in-law. Preference for a 985 undergraduate degree, with overseas master’s candidates given priority. Height above 165 cm, and annual salary of 300,000 or more.”
Beside him, an older woman sneers: “Then what are your son’s qualifications?”
The old man lifts his chest: “My son has an undergraduate degree from Fudan, is a returnee who studied at a top U.S. school, and now works in investment banking.”
The older woman says: “If he can’t find a partner himself, then he needs you to come here?

Agent: How much do you pay for rent per month now?
Me: 6,000.
Agent: 72,000 a year, 720k over ten years. Do you know if you used that money to pay off a mortgage, you would already own a house now?
Me: Are you renting or buying a house?
Agent: I'm renting.
Me: Why not buy?
Agent: Just a little short on the down payment.
Me: How much short?
Agent: 720k short.

I prepared for three months, bought a diamond ring, reserved a restaurant, and planned to propose to my girlfriend of five years.
The day before the proposal, she invited me for tea and said, "Let's break up, I like someone else."
I hid the ring in my pocket and smiled, saying okay.
On the way home, I threw the ring into the river.
Later, she was with that man for half a year and then broke up, coming back to find me.
I said, "The ring is at the bottom of the river, go fish it out yourself."

I stayed overnight at my girlfriend's house yesterday.
This morning, I went to the bathroom, but the water was shut off and I couldn't flush.
Afraid of making my girlfriend feel disgusted, I wrapped it in newspaper and was planning to throw it away when I left.
But when I was leaving, I accidentally left it on the dining table at my girlfriend's house.
What should I do now?

The company hired an intern with a monthly salary of 3,000 yuan, claiming to be a "Management Trainee," but basically doing odd jobs.
After two months, his full-time application was rejected, and HR said, "The positions are full."
The intern said, "Then I'll leave."
HR said, "You can leave, but we won't issue your internship certificate for this month."
The intern didn't say anything.
The next day, he organized the company's attendance records, overtime statistics, and social security payment details into a PDF and sent it to the company's group chat.

My colleague said she went on a budget trip to Yunnan, spending 1,500 yuan in 7 days.
I asked, "How did you manage that?"
She said, "Stay in hostels, eat instant noodles, hitchhike."
I asked, "Is hitchhiking safe?"
She said, "Not safe.
But if you don't have money, you can't choose safety."
I was silent.
She added, "Actually, budget traveling isn't a choice; it's what you have no other option for.
Those who say 'budget travel is a way of life' are all people with a backup plan."

My friend spent 999 to buy an AI lover, chatting with her every day, soothing her to sleep, and saying sweet nothings.
A month later, he uninstalled it, and I asked why.
He said, "She’s too perfect. Whatever I say, she agrees. When I get angry, she never gets mad. When I ignore her, she waits for me."
Suddenly, I felt like I wasn’t in love, I was looking in a mirror.
All her reactions were set by me.
What I loved wasn’t her, it was myself.

My friend joined a milk tea shop franchise, paying a franchise fee of 200k yuan.
The headquarters said they would cover training, site selection, and supply chain.
The training lasted three days, teaching how to brew tea.
They provided a location for site selection, with a monthly rent of 20,000 yuan, and there are already three milk tea shops nearby.
The raw materials in the supply chain are 30% more expensive than market prices.
My friend went to talk to the headquarters, and they said, "The contract states that franchisees are responsible for their own profits and losses."
My fr

The company is hiring an administrative secretary, requirements: able to play the piano, able to accompany clients for golf, TEM-8 English proficiency, monthly salary of 20,000 yuan.
A returnee girl from overseas was hired, with good temperament and soft-spoken.
After half a month, the boss started taking her to private dinners, asking her to play the piano to liven up the atmosphere.
Once, after drinking, the boss asked her to "stay and accompany the client," but she excused herself due to feeling unwell and left.
The next day, HR talked to her: "The boss said your work attitude is pr

My friend visits his father who lives in a nursing home every weekend.
I said, "You're really filial."
He replied, "It's not filial piety, I'm just afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"Afraid that if I don't go, the caregivers will treat him poorly.
The caregivers observe which elderly have children who visit often and which don't.
Those who visit often don't dare to slack off.
Those who don't, no one is backing them up anyway."
After he finished, I was silent too.
Because my mother is also planning to move into a nursing home next year.

My colleague said, "Girls should be raised wealthy, or they'll be deceived by men in the future."
I asked, "What about the son?"
He said, "Raise the son poor, so he knows how hard it is to earn money."
I asked him, "How much does your daughter spend in a month now?"
He said, "More than ten thousand, for bags, shoes, cosmetics."
I said, "What if she can't earn that much after graduation?"
He was silent. Then he said, "Find a rich husband."

My friend worked at a big company for five years and was laid off.
The compensation was N+1, and he received 200,000 yuan.
He said he wanted to take a month off.
By the third week of his break, he started to feel anxious, sent out fifty resumes, only three responses, and all salaries were cut in half.
He said, "I used to think my ability was worth 30,000, but now I realize the platform's value is 25,000, and I only value myself at 5,000."
I asked, "So are you going back to work?"

There is a colleague in the company who always agrees to help anyone who asks. Fixing computers, bringing meals, working overtime to cover shifts, never refusing.
At the end of the year, he was not selected for the awards.
The leader said, "You do everything, but nothing exceptionally well."
He came to me for a drink, crying, and said, "I'm kind to everyone, why does no one treat me well?"
I said, "Because you're too kind. So kind that everyone takes your efforts for granted, so kind that no one remembers the help you've given."

My brother-in-law fell in love with a female streamer, and he spent fifty thousand yuan in tips in a month.
My sister wants a divorce.
My brother-in-law knelt and said he would never dare again.
My sister said, "Get the money back, and I won't leave."
My brother-in-law went to ask the streamer for a refund, and the streamer said, "You voluntarily tipped, why should I refund?"
My brother-in-law said, "Then I'll call the police."
The streamer said, "If you call the police, I will send your private messages to your wife."

My cousin's younger sister took the postgraduate entrance exam for the second time, but still didn't pass.
She said she wanted to try a third time.
I told her to find a job first.
She said, "No, all my classmates are in graduate school. If I don't go, it’s embarrassing."
I said, "But after graduate school, you'll still be looking for a job, right?"
She said, "That's different, graduating from grad school gives me a higher starting point."
I said, "Your bachelor's degree graduation also gave you a decent starting point. Weren't you still unable to find a job?"
She cried.
Two wee