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My younger cousin scored over 600 points in the college entrance exam, and the whole family was happy.
She signed up for computer science, saying it would be easy to find a good job in the future.
Her dad said no, what kind of computer science for a girl, learn accounting.
She said accounting is hard to find a job in.
Her dad said accounting is easy to find, which company doesn't need an accountant?
She said she disagreed and came to me to settle the argument.
I said your dad is right, accounting indeed has good job prospects.
Her dad was proud.

A female colleague stayed late working overtime, and only the two of us remained in the office.
She stretched and said she was so tired, her neck was sore.
I told her to go home and rest earlier.
She asked, "Can you give me a massage?"
I said I couldn't.
She said, "Then help me massage it, just my neck."
I walked over, placing my hand on her neck, and she closed her eyes.
I pressed twice, and she said, "Your hand is so cold."
I said, "It's natural."
She said, "Then rub it to warm up before pressing."

Delivered an order of spicy hot pot, with a note saying "No spicy."
When I delivered it, the customer opened it and said, "Why is it spicy?"
I looked at the order slip and saw it was correct; the restaurant made a mistake.
I said I would help him with a refund.
He said no need, just buy him a bottle of cola to relieve the spiciness.
I went downstairs and bought one for three yuan.
He gave me five yuan, saying no change needed.
When I went downstairs, I realized that the two yuan was in-game currency.

A woman takes her cat to the vet, and the doctor says, "Your cat is pregnant."
The woman says, "Impossible, it has never gone outside."
The doctor says, "Then maybe your window wasn't closed."
The woman says, "I live on the 18th floor."
The doctor says, "Then maybe a male cat climbed up."
The woman says, "How can it climb on the 18th floor?"
The doctor says, "Then maybe you have another cat at home."
The woman says, "Just this one."

In the hospital waiting room, a big brother keeps looking at his watch.
I ask him if he's in a hurry?
He says, "My appointment is at 10 o'clock, and it's now 11:30, and it's still not my turn."
I say, doctors are busy, please understand.
He says, "I understand, but what I don't understand is—
Last week I had an appointment, the doctor saw me for five minutes and then told me to go.
Today for a follow-up, I waited two hours, and it will probably be five minutes again."
I ask, then why are you still coming?

My grandfather passed away, and I went to the funeral home to handle the procedures.
The staff recommended the "VIP farewell hall," saying that spending an extra 800 yuan could give us half an hour more.
I said no need, the regular hall is fine.
Her face immediately fell, and she whispered, "So stingy even with your own grandfather."
I heard her and said, "My grandfather hated extravagance and wastefulness the most when he was alive."
She said, "That was when he was alive. Now that he's dead, you're doing it for the living."

The old man calls his three sons: "I'm about to die, and the inheritance is five million. Whoever is the most filial will get it."
The eldest son says: "Dad, I'm with you in the hospital."
The second son says: "Dad, I’ve hired the best doctor for you."
The third son says: "Dad, give me the five million, and I’ll arrange a grand funeral for you."
The old man says: "I haven't died yet."
The third son says: "Then hurry up, I need the money quickly."

Met a girl at a blind date, she asked right away: "Do you own a house?" I said yes. "Do you have a car?" Yes. "How much savings do you have?" Seven figures. Her eyes lit up. I added, "All of that belongs to my parents; I'm a moocher." Her face immediately fell. I said, "Just kidding, I actually earned it myself." She smiled again. I said, "Just joking again, I really am a moocher."

Ever since my mom learned how to shop online, our house receives at least five packages every day.
I asked her what she bought, and she said, "I don't know, I just buy whatever looks cheap."
Last week, she bought a chainsaw, saying she needed to cut ribs.
We live on the 16th floor, and our neighbors thought we were going to dismember someone.

Driving Didi in Shanghai, the driver is from Northeast China.
Talking about housing prices, he said he has an apartment in Pudong, bought in the early 2000s.
I asked how big it was, and he said 120 square meters.
I said then you’re now worth tens of millions.
He smiled: "Paper wealth. If I sell it, I have nowhere to live; if I don't sell, I pay 20,000 yuan a month in mortgage."
I asked if he feels a lot of pressure.
He glanced in the rearview mirror: "Not much pressure. I have three apartments."
I fell silent.

Bank queues, VIP customers can cut in line.
A VIP in front of me took twenty minutes, and there were more than ten people behind.
When it was my turn, the teller said, "Would you like to get a VIP? Once you have it, you don't need to wait in line."
I asked, "If I get VIP status, do I still have to wait for the previous VIP to finish?"
The teller said, "Yes."
I asked, "What's the difference between VIP and regular?"
The teller said, "VIPs have shorter wait times."
I said, "That VIP just took twenty minutes; is that considered short?"

Shanghai People’s Park Matchmaking Corner. An old man holds up a sign that reads: “Seeking a daughter-in-law. Preference for a 985 undergraduate degree, with overseas master’s candidates given priority. Height above 165 cm, and annual salary of 300,000 or more.”
Beside him, an older woman sneers: “Then what are your son’s qualifications?”
The old man lifts his chest: “My son has an undergraduate degree from Fudan, is a returnee who studied at a top U.S. school, and now works in investment banking.”
The older woman says: “If he can’t find a partner himself, then he needs you to come here?

Agent: How much do you pay for rent per month now?
Me: 6,000.
Agent: 72,000 a year, 720k over ten years. Do you know if you used that money to pay off a mortgage, you would already own a house now?
Me: Are you renting or buying a house?
Agent: I'm renting.
Me: Why not buy?
Agent: Just a little short on the down payment.
Me: How much short?
Agent: 720k short.

I prepared for three months, bought a diamond ring, reserved a restaurant, and planned to propose to my girlfriend of five years.
The day before the proposal, she invited me for tea and said, "Let's break up, I like someone else."
I hid the ring in my pocket and smiled, saying okay.
On the way home, I threw the ring into the river.
Later, she was with that man for half a year and then broke up, coming back to find me.
I said, "The ring is at the bottom of the river, go fish it out yourself."

I stayed overnight at my girlfriend's house yesterday.
This morning, I went to the bathroom, but the water was shut off and I couldn't flush.
Afraid of making my girlfriend feel disgusted, I wrapped it in newspaper and was planning to throw it away when I left.
But when I was leaving, I accidentally left it on the dining table at my girlfriend's house.
What should I do now?

The company hired an intern with a monthly salary of 3,000 yuan, claiming to be a "Management Trainee," but basically doing odd jobs.
After two months, his full-time application was rejected, and HR said, "The positions are full."
The intern said, "Then I'll leave."
HR said, "You can leave, but we won't issue your internship certificate for this month."
The intern didn't say anything.
The next day, he organized the company's attendance records, overtime statistics, and social security payment details into a PDF and sent it to the company's group chat.

My colleague said she went on a budget trip to Yunnan, spending 1,500 yuan in 7 days.
I asked, "How did you manage that?"
She said, "Stay in hostels, eat instant noodles, hitchhike."
I asked, "Is hitchhiking safe?"
She said, "Not safe.
But if you don't have money, you can't choose safety."
I was silent.
She added, "Actually, budget traveling isn't a choice; it's what you have no other option for.
Those who say 'budget travel is a way of life' are all people with a backup plan."

My friend spent 999 to buy an AI lover, chatting with her every day, soothing her to sleep, and saying sweet nothings.
A month later, he uninstalled it, and I asked why.
He said, "She’s too perfect. Whatever I say, she agrees. When I get angry, she never gets mad. When I ignore her, she waits for me."
Suddenly, I felt like I wasn’t in love, I was looking in a mirror.
All her reactions were set by me.
What I loved wasn’t her, it was myself.